i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't turn off my feet"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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