I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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