my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
