Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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