I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
