just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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