At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
