ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
