and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
