I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
