Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
