She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
