Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
