just tell him i said nine months
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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