Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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