somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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