Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I skipped work to stalk him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
