this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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