You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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