I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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