I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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