So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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