Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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