how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
how drunk are you?
Several
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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