people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
