You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
