I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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