Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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