It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
