If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I puked a lego.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
