Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
