I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
