I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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