I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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