im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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