I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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