this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
