...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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