well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
