First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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