I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
