The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
