he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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