Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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