No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
