Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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