Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
