The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
