Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
