You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
