his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
