If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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