mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
